The unfortunate event

 The thing I dread the most is the fact that I will once again fall in love. Its not that I am bitter or something, I just hate the thought of how the relationship is going to end… the most dreaded words in the english vocabulary…. BREAK UP… I had been heart broken on a more than one occasion and its not the experience I would want to go through again. See, my principles in life are simple… live life as if its your last day to live, love passionately and above all else, never hurt another human being. Those are the things I try to abide with, love passionately is where I always, and I mean always get into trouble. I somehow always manage to end up with the wrong guys. The ones the society labels as jerks.

Recently, I’ve been kind of seeing someone… he is without a doubt a nice guy, the type I wouldn’t label a jerk, the kind of guy I see my friends with, you know the ones that are madly deeply in love with my friends and have me sit in the corner and jealously watch them and sigh to myself, “I want one just like that”. 

I’ll have to admit, I’m afraid. I’m shit scared of being in love again. I’m afraid of doing stupid things, end up saying the wrong words, and being with a person who treats me with so much respect and who in his own way has manage to make me feel like a princess…I dont like this feeling… the feeling of wanting to be with him, and the waiting for a call all the time, the patiently and eagerly waiting for a chance to be with him. Shit! I’m suppose to be 25! for crying out loud! I’m not suppose to be reacting like this on the idea of being in love… Gosh, if he finds out that I am miserably falling for him, it will inflate his ego.

But what if he ends up to be just like the other guys I’ve dated before, u know, the jerks who wrecklessly walk into my life and my heart and unkindly breaks my fragile heart into millions of tiny pieces? I’m tired of making the same mistakes over and over again… I’m so sick of having not only my heart but also my dignity crushed. But if I turn away now, it would also be rude of me to not give this guy the chance.. I think I’ve fallen again. Dear God please don’t let me be broken badly on this one..